What would you do...

In our ABF (Sunday School Class) this past week we talked about Suffering. We discussed this in a little bit of a different way. We talked about choosing to suffer for Christ and those things that happen that we don't choose. We discussed first those things that we choose, and if I knew they weren't worth it in the end, would I still choose to go through those things. (NOTE: this was in the abstract, not a specific.) We then moved on to those things that happen that we don't choose, things like cancer, depression, death - my mind went to infertility. I don't think any couple in their right mind would choose to be infertile, so I think that goes in the we don't choose category.

Bear with me, I am getting to my point. I promise. The New Testament tells us about Paul and his suffering. (This seems to have been some kind of physical affliction, but not positive what). Three times it is written that Paul cried out for God to take this away. Having been in a situation where I begged God to "fix it", I am betting that there were a ton of other times - just these three were reported. And God chose not to heal him.

I have been thinking a lot about our infertility, and remembering this part of our marriage. I can honestly say that I would I never have asked for that or chose to go through that. Really, I wouldn't. But now that I am on the other side and have seen where I am now - I would do it all over again. During that time of my life I cried out to God more than I ever thought I could. I cried until I couldn't cry more. I went through the Refiner's Fire and came out stronger than I ever thought I could. I can see now the why. God knew that we were to adopt. And God knew that I was so weak in my faith, and so impatient, so wanting to be in control and really just had to grow up a little more. I learned through that time that God is in control, even when I can't see it. I learned that He is there all the time. I don't think I would have the emotional strength to do this now, if I hadn't been there. God knew it all along. Now that we are in the process of adoption I have to just let go of a lot and just trust that God has it handled. I can't control how quickly we get through this process, I can't control what our little precious baby's Birth Mother is doing right now, I don't know that tomorrow North Korea won't blow South Korea off the map. And I am so very OK with all this. Because I don't know, but God does. I can honestly say that had I not been so totally broken during our diagnosis and treatments for infertility I would so very not be OK with this. I would be going crazy right now.

I say this now not to make light of other's suffering, or to seem like I have all the answers - because I for sure don't. I am just saying that I have seen the other side of my own situation. Two years ago if you would have asked me why we were going through the "Year of Hell" (as we so affectionately call it :o) ) I would have said that God was punishing me. I couldn't see the why, I could only see that my heart broke each and every month when the tests were still negative. I only knew the hurt and loss, the broken heart, they emotional and physical pain - I didn't know the pure good that would come from it.

Jon and Kate...

Some of you who know me know my dirty little secret.

I love reality TV shows.

Like, really love them. When I was recovering from surgery last fall I started watching Jon and Kate plus 8. There were several "marathon" days and I got to catch up on almost 4 years of their lives. I loved the show, I loved how the opening said "it may be a crazy life, but it's our life". I loved how Kate would have Bible verses posted throughout the house, and how they had 8 little miracles, everyday in their lives.

My heart broke for them watching the show last night, where they admit they are separating, and the text said they had filed for divorce.
Here is what I would say to them. If any of you can get this message to them - feel free to.

Dear Jon and Kate,
You have such a wonderful, blessed life. And it has nothing to do with the money, the house, the fame - none of it. The two of you made 8 beautiful children, who are all healthy and safe. Not every family can say that. You have both professed your faith in God, when did He stop being the first priority in your lives? I am willing to bet it was about the time things started going south in your marriage. Put Him first, always. Then comes each other, not the kids, the fame, the book tours, the skiing - the two of you come next, and you need to set the priorities together for what comes next.
I was so excited last year when you took your family to Hawaii to renew your vows. What happened to "we wanted to show our kids we are in this for ever. No matter what". What changed since then?
From here, it isn't easy and it isn't fun. But it is worth it. The news reported that you have filed divorce proceedings. I would ask that you put that off for six months, and in that time refocus your priorities and focus on each other. Take the "Love Dare", watch "Fireproof" and talk to each other. Get in with a Christ-centred counselor, and get your priorities straight.

Sincerely,
Beth

Next Steps.....

We recieved word today that our application was accepted, and FAC is ready to start our homestudy. Wow that was fast.

Here is a picture of the letter.....we are a little excited.

It is official.....

We are "Pregnant On Paper".

Simple sounding right? It freaked me out.

Two months and two days and the paper chase is over - for now. Last night, finally, I realized there was no more paper to fill out, nothing to collect, and nothing else to sign. I had to just let go... So, I trusted my dear Steve to make the copy, include the pictures I forgot to have printed, and mail the sucker off (those that know my penchant for control ahem know that this was a HUGE thing for me, and I did it. I didn't even call throughout the day to check on it).

So we finished it last night, approved that it was ready to go, packed it up for Steve to take to work. Then I had a panic attack.

I'm going to be someone's Mother.

We have been asked about the application, and what it is like. I think when people hear the term "Formal Application" they think it is like an application for a job, or a loan, or college. Well, that's a start..... so just to show a little more what it is like, here is most of it. I couldn't fit any more on the counter into the shot, but you get the idea....

This was before we started... it seems so long ago.

Here is the finished product....

I going to be someone's Mother. And I can't wait...

FUNdraiser Time

Hello Again,
As we have said before, we have been overwhelmed by the love and support for our adoption.
Here is just another example of that.

Some of Steve's Mom's Former Co-workers have volunteered to host a yard sale for us to help raise money for our adoption expenses. This has led to Steve's Uncle volunteering to roast hot dogs to sell, and other friends have volunteered to make cookies. All of our little one that we have never met. We are a little overwhelmed by this.

We knew about this a while ago, AND IT IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!

Here are the details!
Saturday May 2, 2009
9 am - 4 pm
2765 RISING MEADOW DR
Akron, Ohio 44333

If you would like to donate items for us to sell, please leave me a comment here.
Even if there isn't a thing you need, please come and be a part of this exciting time for us!

Love,
Beth and Steve

What a lesson....

If you check out the button to the right, you will see a link to "Stellan's Story".

I would like to take a moment to share what this Mom of 4 has taught me in the past week. Her whole story is in the blog, but the short version is that her infant son was diagnosed with a serious heart condition in utero, and was not given a chance to live. He did survive, and was doing well until about a month ago.

So back to what I have learned - that faith in God's plan doesn't depend on what the circumstances are. Life can just plain suck, but if that Life is smack in the middle of where God wants you then you are in the best place you could be. Here is this Mom who didn't ask for any of this, but has had to live it. And she is praising God through all of it. I can only imagine that her heart is so broken right now for her young son, but she has given it over to God.

She asked that people just know her little guy, and asked that people take a picture of his name and send it to her. There is a link in her blog for Stellan's Name Gallery, and I am amazed and touched each and every time I check that out. There are pictures there from the Sudan, Italy- all over the world. People have come together to pray for this little guy. It didn't matter where they were from, what they believed- we have all Prayed.

So McKMamma, we are with you. We are praying for you and Stellan, and his doctors and your family.
And Lord, thank you for this sweet little life we have all been touched to even have heard about. I can't wait to see what you have in store for him.

If you do follow, let's all pray for this family tonight and tomorrow.
Until later,
Beth

When God Closes A Door....

Hello again,

We would like to thank all of you for praying for us the past few weeks. We have felt this, and appreciate it. And we know in the land of adoption things change in a heartbeat. And we have learned in the past six weeks we have learned that God has a plan and doesn't always share the reasoning behind them with us, and that's ok.

So with that being said,

When God closes a door...... sometimes He opens it right back up!

That's right folks, we got our Formal Application today.

Here is a picture in all it's glory...

It's huge. It's scary. And we can't wait.

Love,

Steve and Beth